Currently Lucas By Skeletons & the Kings of All Cities What They Said see related
who the flip keeps visiting my site from Arizona?
life is fine. this will probably be my last post in the xanga realm, for those who wish to continue stalking me..
-> http://detlenes.blogspot.com/
"What They Said" by the above band is such a song...of...community. it activates my long term memory (part of brain in charge of organizing memories = Hippocamus)and makes me remember the procedural memory of how to ride my bike as well as the semantic/episodic memories of the feelings associated with riding my bike to work in the warmth of summer. my circle of friends is changing. I almost prefer to just fly solo. a long time friend has recently decided to ditch me because I am "self righteous and untrusting in who he is" which somewhat makes sense but is a cruel reason for breaking off a long term friendship. I spent my night last night crying about it and now I guess it's time to move elsewhere. I hate Beavercreek. I really do. I need to get out of here, but dilemma, how am I going to pay for it? lately I've been saving all the money I make, the only thing I buy these days is gas and maybe food. the blood vessels are still bursting and bruising under the outer skin of my lower eye socket, but I've been working out lately.
yep. little iddy biddy girl muscle. beware, I've got a good high kick from all my kick-boxing practice. I've never done any of those emo-style myspace/facebook mirror photos so here we go...
and I have now joined in with the common trends.
while we're on the subject of photosI recently posted this album of pictures on facebook. most of the photos have something to do with beauty or sex. I put a forewarning to view the pictures at your own risk and interpretation because "omg pics of sex and boobies" usually don't go over well with the general populous. I don't know why I find sensuality so frickin' interesting. the shapes of bodies, how one's jaw is formed, the arch of a back, the neck of a male..the mystery of a woman and the intellect of man. and so forth.
like these videos too, there's sex stuff. but it's just...freedom..though note I like the natural state of things.
I found out the other night that my now ex-friends' dad's name was Steve too..and so was my other friend who happened to be in the car with us at the time. weird. the other day I took one of those accurate personality tests and I got a five (unusually high score) in music, body movement and social abilities, 4.57 in logic..and a 1.47 in mathematics. sometimes I think my dreams and desires fell from God's work desk to waste basket. I need some kind of medication that makes the bazillons of synapses in my nervous system produce more neuropinephrine and dopamine. maybe some glutamate in there too. how I long for someone, anyone, one person preferably male to have, to talk to, to be with..again, preferably dark haired (dark brown is ok, true jet black is the best though I don't like Asians) energetic, likes to play, optimistic not analytical and cruel, slender figure (yet not emo thin, some muscle tone), glasses (a weird fetish of mine), likes traveling and action, doesn't do drugs and...well there's the reason right there, I'm too picky. but whatever. I'm a sucker for any handsome beau that walks within my three and a half foot radius. it's not wrong, right? just to be wanted? and to dream? that someday, all this loneliness will disappear..I can only dream now and patiently wait. good news is that I am incredibly confident about this psychiatry business. my purchasing of a motorcycle is being held until grad school at either Ohio State or The University of Cincinnati, the only downfall would be not being able to travel long distances, but considering medical graduate school pretty much consumes one's life, I doubt I'll be doing any major traveling. don't think I have much else to say so..
I'll see you in another life, when we are both kats.
the world is full of dumb ass men who find me attractive but never approach me. if i hear one more time how i'm a good physical catch when no one has dared to even ask me to do anything with them i'm going to shave my head because as far as dating goes i've pretty much shut that door. being pre med is kinda time consuming anyway. whatever is meant for me will come my way eventually no matter how much agony i have to sit through alone, watching soul after soul pass me by. for all i know i'll finally find someone when i'm 40. who knows. as for an update since i'm taking a 15 minute break to let my brain rest, everything seems fine, i love this super energized musik by broken social scene, it's my kind of musik (see other tracks: superconnected, ibi dreams of pavement). i'm seriously considering a motorcycle liscense/motorcycle instead of a new car to save money in the summer. that and because riding a motorcycle is like i'm going to kick your ass. back to being pre med, it's a humbling experience as much as i hate wright state university and being trapped here at home. grad skool at ohio state or university of cinci. how i long for it. i drew a picture today during my lunch break of what i hoped to have my future look like..it was kinda funny. we have julie with her degree in chosen specialty psychiatry/pediatrics, white doctor coat thing, nice house, hopefully husband, nice car, steady job and a kat. house must have lots of trees. and flowers. then i drew a picture of myself now, up til 4:30 in the morning studying for psychology, under eye circles like the doozie, books open and everywhere, paper everywhere along with mess, myself having not showered for four days (i don't really pay much attention to what i look like these days contrary to my high skool self that was very vain) as well as my cell phone ringing because i have to work at graeterz a lot. these two pictures kept me in a good mood for the rest of the day..i haven't gaining the freshman 15 pounds...i'm pretty proud of that, and i've rarely ever used an elevator to get myself around campus. i don't like winter. and this is becoming a slight problem as most ohio medical skools prefer their students to stay in ohio...and i want to move south towards the ocean. i've been trying to deal with the fact practically no nerve activity exists in the left half of my brain and that i have to train myself to think mathematically for subjects like chemistry and calculus which i shall be taking soon. when it comes to dreams i've been sleeping well lately, quite pleasantly but recently i had a strange dream involving myself turning steve hager in jail and he being happy about it for some reason. idk about that one, i hardly have ever dreamed about him, that being the fourth time. on the subject of him, i recently talked to my friend devin who is a realtive of his..well not recently, it was back in december i think. anyway, it seems he's happy...and in a strange way..as much as a psuedo loved/hated him, i'm really...very happy he's happy...as he always seemed like he wanted to kill himself i'm glad he's happy..(cue keen on boys by the radio dept.)...as much as i unfortuantely love to violently hold love related grudges and fight viciously to the end, this one has passed on the right terms. and here i am..now what. keep working. know who you are, keep walking and the rest will fall into place. (cue il secondo giorno by air) i like to think of myself as a passive, detatched keep to myself soul these days. most of the time. there is the aggressive out of my way julie that strives to be at the top of her game. and i'm still upset i'm without a mate for this game and might be for some long time...friends seem difficult to keep as they're all different and at least i haven't gotten into drugs..or drinking, which though i think i'd make a halarious drunk, alchohol isn't my thing..wine is ok though. shegonedoggone, i almost had my own radio show on wsu radio but then i realized i didn't exactly have time for that. i am incredibly tickleish. being naked is fun. i love dr. tran. it's almost 11, time to get back to work. and remember, don't talk to strangers.
Currently Silk By Carlo Cecchi, Alfred Molina, Kenneth Welsh, Koji Yakusho, Callum Keith Rennie see related
It's moments like these, when I'm sitting here in my room and I've gotten my hands coated in super glue plus a nice layer of tissues that got stuck to the super glue, when I wonder if Med Skool and Psychiatry is really for me....
My room is a scattered mess, my grade point average 3.4 and sense of direction lost.
Fees for University of Cincinnati:
Ohio Students
Out-of-State Students
Full-time tuition rates
Quarter
Year
Quarter
Year
Uptown Campus
$3,133
$9,399
$7,974
$23,922
"In addition to the direct fees detailed above, we recommend you budget $1,275 for books and supplies, $230 to $860 for transportation, and between $3,725 and $5,110 for personal expenses per academic year. The total amount we budget for an on-campus, full-time undergraduate, Ohio resident is $24,921."
9-8 years to get through skool to become a licensed child/adolescent Psychiatrist, and I'll have to pay for all of that. FUCKING ALL OF THAT. Financial Aid? Maybe. Scholarships? Possibly.
"Hey, Dad, Mom, I've decided what I want to do in life and I'm going to have to transfer-"
"Good luck paying for all of that, why don't you just stay here at home and go to nice little Wright State where your mother and I can still baby you and make you live at home and be afraid of the rest of the world and have a nice little career in Teaching or Nursing?"
